Robbie Williams’ jogging act

10 comments

• Hi, Wow, all this stuff about you is too much, I cant cope with it, I never would have, Your brilliant…..

  i have taken the whole crazy thing out on you, why, I dont know why….

  you are the only human being I have ever been close too that I can see is real and worthwhile on this planet, and yet I lashed out and made you the victim of all the insanity….

  Sorry, love just words, not worth saying any of them when words are so misused….

  I am living in the truth now, oh well, I’m not happy, I’m lonely but I hate people, and I have no interest in anything anymore, I just exsist now, until I don’t anymore, thats it..

  the only thing I have to do now is paint, it seems empty, i worked through so much to get myself to this point and I cant believe what has happened, I am not craxy anymore but I am angry and sad and I’m not confused anymore, I’m angry and empty and Im not lost anymore, but I dont care about anything anymore, except you, and maybe the space is just way to big now,

  I know I love you, but I cant get this yuk out and the love flows at times and the grief and horror set in and then Im crazy all over again, but I love you if its of any use, because I m not sure love is any use,

  At least I understand now, and I am sory i didnt , I cant keep apologising for going insane, but I am sorry I went insane.

  I am not jealous of your success, but it hurts because it jsut puts you so out of reach…..

  I am not one to keep things going anyway, I have well and truly let it all out kicking and screaming all the way through the great remeberence and the confusion, the truth is I was scrambled eggs for a long time I barely remember the past two years.

  Its a new day and i survived, i have taken steps to move forward and I dont know what part of me survived and got me here, I just am and i pinch myself to see if I am alive and I am worst luck….

  I am loving angels as usual because people are shit, your ok robbie john, I love you sincerely and your the only one left alive i can say that about apart from my boys.

  I am letting go, it hurts too mcuh I feel abandoned and I have enough pain I dont need it add to

  I know one thing you and I never inteneded to cause each other harm and I am not hurt by you anymore, I will look at our star and send you love and wish you well, and never forget those precious moments…

  nOthing wrong with loving those angels, or talking to them and I dont feel so lonely, I worry about you so much now

  If you wanted to be with me youd be here I know that im not stupid, and I am not keeping this game going, its not me,

  I am thinking of us from time to time and it gets less painfull and the msuic doesnt seem to gut me anymore as much and I can actually listen to it, and even see you with other women, and not feel so dumped in my time of extreme need and despair anymore

  We are flwed we are human, and its only our human bits that messed the whole thing up anyway

  Take care of yourself for me

  I love Robbie

  JO-Michelle

• سلام Robbie
  عزيزم من دوست درم كه تو بدوني كه اينجا در ايران دختري
  هست كه تو رو از اعماق وجودش دوست دارد و زندگيش را در كنار تو با صداي تو با تصوير تو مي گذراند در واقع مي خواهم كه بداني روزهاي عمرم را با عشق تو مي گذرانم
  آرام.26ساله.تهران.ايران

• Here I am again, I just cant find the words to express myself anymore, I am sifting through all this bullshit written about you and oh my god its crap isnt it……

  How hard is it for other people to see the truth, your in pain and money doesnt fix it, your genuinley alone and dont want to be alone, other people are so strange they seem so out to get what they can from others all the time, I have that problem here, I cant believe it, I wonder if its worth it to the people around us,

  I dont understand it I really dont, I have these stupid women, who pretend to be my friend but the truth is they are just stalking my life seeing what they can take from me how they can profit from me,

  If this happening to me then I cant imagine what is going on around you.

  I want to feel strong with someone, I get so weak at times with tthe pain that I need someine to lean on and hol dme up and I always find some shark that zooms in and pretends to what the fruendship and they are just their to get what they can.

  I know you didnt do that to me, I accused you of using me and I know that is stupid it really was, I am guilty of doing alot of stupid things toward you lately and I am sorry.

  You didint let me down, life did, and the only good thing it gave me was that time i had with you and the dreams we shared.

  I cant think of anything that I ever wanted except the truth in the song Feel, that is still the truth.

  I wouldnt be jealous of you but I would be over protective of you and you always assume that that is me lacking trust in your abilities as my own sons do, and that isnt so

  I would want to know everything that is going on not to controll you but to be vigilant and protect you, and I guess you feel you would lose your freedom,

  I found my friends and sorted it out with them, but its not the same anymore, anyway

  its jsut because what Ive just been through, I feel so disconnected from everybody and everything now.

  I think of you and the pain and the lonliness you must have gone through back then as I am now, and my heart just breaks for you, for us…

  I was so angry at you because i was scared I wasnt going to survive or get out and away from all the mess in the last couple of years, and it would have made me feel loved if someone had put their hand out and pulled me up, but thats over now, and you have your reasons for walking out on me at the last minute and I wont question it anymore or hold it against you.

  I have survived and made a move and that is a good start, I am wiping all the people in my life out and becoming strong by myself and I dont like being so alone and iscolated but its better than being used and dragged down by the vultures here.

  I have moved into an asian area and its good, I dont blend in but no one knows me, I was approached by a reporter and a cmaera man the other day, and It freaked me out, I nearly dropped to the ground, I handeled it well, and made comments about the political issues here, and even posed for photos.
  I was rattled yet I was able to make some intelligent comment and smile

  I dont mind being hounded for political comment it is better than being hounded for cheap exposes,

  My mother will be proud to the peole at work her daughter in the paper discussing health issues and the state of the qld government.

  It is jsut all de je vous, and makes me think of you, but I am handling things so much better now.

  I cam see past all the superficial bullshit and I know your still you, just ten years on and ten years of suffering does alter us doesnt it.

  Every body says i have become hard now, and that is so sad, because I was never that and didnt want to be that, I wanted to stay the same.

  Im not hard I jsut cant take any more pain, and I am definatley not being used by anyone.

  I dont realy care who your with anyway, because I know they will never understand or feel what you feel inside and want or understand what it is you need, the same way no one else will ever know or understand me the way you do.

  I dont care about all the sexuality issues people banter around about you and here about me, because its not what we are about, its about needing to have that anchor, that holds us firmly on our feet when we are swaying with our confusion and pain, its about having the comfort when the pain gets triggered, and about having someone to hold the candle so we can see our way through when it gets dark, its about having someone see us,becuse people dont see us, how can they not see the pain that radiates from us, but they dont do they, its so hard to sit in a room with people who pretend they know us yet they dont, its lonely more lonely than being on our own.

  i got a house, its ok, for me…..

  I can have dog now, I am a bit scared to get one, i havent felt love or been able to give love since this insaantity took me over, so I dont if Im ready to open up and love something again, but i will try…

  I have a lover, but he doesnt know me or see me. he doesnt care aobut me at all, I see him when it suits me and I just get wasted and pretend, SEx is always good when your wasted and its new

  he cant hurt me asnd thats the main thing, and he hasnt got a clue what Im talking about or what is inside of me, it doesnt seem to matter

  It will wear off its wearing off now, but at the times when I cant stand the iscolation and lonliness any more it is a relief to get out and at least ….

  I dont know.

  I see it for what it is, its like eating and drinking water, its helping me survive, but I dont want it

  I really am ready to paint I have a small sun room, my studio, hows that

  I quit college, I dont want to help people, that is the truth.

  I am not suicidal, but death does seem to be the only solution the only remedy, and It made me realsie that
  I dont intend to die before I have produced and exhibition, so I dropped out and Im doing it and I dont care what happens to me or anybody else, I jsut want this done,

  I am doing what I want to do, i have become such a bitch I really have, if anyone gets in my way or tries to so much as take or profit from me even a panadol I put them out, I jsut dont have anything to give any more

  I am motivated to producing this exhibition and I was never this motivated before, I am miserable and Im bitchy and I am arguementative and just not myself anymore but perhaps that is what I have needed to become to realise my dreams.

  This is a funny world and we are funny creatures, people are so envious of us, Id like to give them our lives wouldnt you jsut to teach them a lesson.

  How women look at me and are envious blows my mind really, I woulod happily give them my pain and loss and the horrors that haunt me. and the lonliness, the real people if they exsist at all, cant get throught the vultures and I cant see them, and I doubt that they exsist,

  Do other people not need what we need, do they not want comfort and friendship and support like we do,

  I feel like its jsut us, I feel us more than i ever did in the past, I jsut dont see anyone left its just us and I keep wondering and worrying about you and every body has made such a joke about me not wanting you to die and me not wanting to risk it,

  but its still true, because without you I am alone on this planet.

  Their are people who understand my politacal views on the world and other things I believe and think, but that isnt important to me, its all the above that is important and your the only other soul on this planet who gets it who is ripped in half the way I am.

  Its a funny world and people are so ignorant, you should be portrayed as the deepest most honest forthright and intelligent man on the planet and yet wankers and I wont mention names because their is too many either pretend their smarter than you or make you out to be a fool, your success is blazing in front of everybody, yet these wankers still continue to profess your the clown.

  Your liek me you give everyone a chance to prove their sincerity and when they take advantage they think we are foolish and they have scored, they dont understand do they

  It gets to the point I jsut dont want to give out those chances anymore.

  I am sorry i turned on you and I do regret it sincerely, I have to live with it as well, I really am only so filled with pain now because I turned on the only valuable person left in my life, I have my sons but they have grown up and are at he age they dont wnat to be dependant on me and want to be free to do it their way and I have to respect that, but I am alone and dont feel needed anymore,

  I gave up everything for those sons, they were all I had, I dont regret giving up anythign for them, I am their mother and I did what was best for them and that was to keep them close to their dad, even if he is a wanker and a bad father, he was as important to them as I was.

  I dont regret it but I have nothing except my sons, and that should be enough and it is,but its lonely and I cant pretend that its all going to work out or that I will find what I lost again, I know I wont.

  I suppose we can find someone to be with that is different to us and who we can learn from perhaps, its not the same as us is it,

  Being honest Ican find a man who doesnt have your demons, and you could find a woman who doesnt have my demons, and who are perhaps more suited to our JUNGLES, but its not the same it doesnt fill the empty spot, it doesnt shine the light in the dark it doesnt anchor us in t
  he stormy seas

  where is the beach, I cant find the beach

  I thought Id be content to have a house and a dog and a lover who doesnt infringe on my heart, or try to open it up, but Im not

  why do want things and then when we get them we dont want them anymore.

  We seem to get what we want dont we, we do get what we want.

  We just dont get what we need and i realise now that that is each other,

  People around us have doen everything to keep us apart, becuase they are scared of us and the strength we would give each other,

  We lost, they didnt win, it was foul play, Mario Nigel the political world here and the mucic world their, they beat us but its not a victory they can be proud of,

  I am glad we are who we are, because we did not move on from each other, and we did not get over it, and nothing has fullfilled us

  we have proved US, and that is good enough for me if that is all that is to become of it.

  i blasted you for everything, and the truth is you have doen me a huge favour in every respect, you have helped me attain my dream to produce my art work, the book wont be to anyones taste or liking and not printable but I can self publish a copy for both of us when its done, lets face it no one else will understant it anyway.

  Im just not hapy to have it without you to have it by myself and be so miserable and alone is no victory is it

  Once you attain all your dreams their is nothing left, like you i know without a doubt my art work will succeed, their is no question of it as their was no question of you success, it is our curse

  and yet like you I have no other direction to go in , nothing to go back for, nothing left, its all i have left of the fragments of who I once I was, its all I haveleft to do here

  Perhaps all we will ever do is radiate and express our pain and sorrow and that may be wahtgod inteneded for us to help the world express theirs throught your music and through my words and our art and perhaps just in the way we have lived without each other and without our angels.

  I looked for our star last night and it was covered in cloud, I will try again tonight, and every night, because it is all I can drag out of the past worth keeping, that star and us looking up at it in our deepsest despairing moments, I wont give up the memories of us and Im glad we have that star, and Im gald I made you come outside that night and Im glad I showed it to you.

  I love you for all that love is worth, and that isnt much anymore, but it was the most valuable thing I ever owned, I dont want to part with it yet

  you,me, a dark heavy night, and that bright star shining in spite of us

  I wish you relief and comfort

  for Eternity

  I know you once sang were not ghosts, but I fear that perhaps we are now, and i want to go back in time and walk out with you go with you and never look back.

  Your kindred spirit

  Im so sorry, so sorry for everything

• i have decided to go to the R.S.P.C.A today and save an older dog, give it a quiet home to retreat to, My and perhaps even a puppy if they have one, from death row, rather than buy a purebred puppy, so i will fill my home after all, I will start walking again, thats a start, and thats all I have needed for the past two years a start.

  Remember when we last spoke, it was horrible wasnt it, I was horrible, I cant believe the state of my mind I had,

  I did it, I got here, evenif it is jsut up the road, I found a door after all, and somehow I got the strength to open it, I dont know how, I will keep walking throught the door and down the path.

  Its not about choices for everyone Robbie john, its about being trapped and finding an exit for some of us, and thats what I was struggling to find and exit a door so I could escape the hell that was consuming me, I am so drained, I am so lifeless, and so empty

  Just to be able to bake a choclate cake is going to be an effort for me, but I will bake cakes again, and walk dogs again, and hopefully one day my yard will be filled with children again, its so empty and quiet

  I bought a drum kit for my sons, but secretly I will give it a go, my friends daughters boyfriend is in a band and he is going to set it up with new skins and put it together and show me how to play.

  finding the door and walking throught it is the hardest thing I have ever done, but now Im through that door their is so much potential and while I am the living dead, the ghost that walks, somehow life is regenerating, I am pretending to live each day, i pretend, and am conforming to life, I am doing it becasue I have to, its actually working,

  commonsense says get degree and conform to life, I refuse to do that I am going to keep doing what Im doing, so Ican paint and afford this house and to feed the dogs I dont have yet,

  I have started praying for god to make me pure I have been for a while, but if this is what he intends for me, I will have to bear it along with the rest of the things I dont like about my life.

  Its so hot summer is here, it still feels like winter, but no denying the heat.

  I will sit in the back yard with my dogs and my Zambucca and the evening breezes and look up to our star and talk to my angels and ask god what the hell he wants from me, but most of all thank him for giving me that star, it never changes it is always their-Us shining just as brightly as it did all those years ago.

  I realise it doesnt matter if i live in a billion dollar house or a 300 dollar a week house, it doesnt change anything, I always knew that, I never chased a fortune, I want to succeed for my sons to give them security and help them along its tough down here, but you know that,

  I dont fear failing now, I know I wont Its my destiny as it was yours, I jsut have to keep going.

  the first canvas and paint arrive at the end of the week and i will consult with others with regard to my work, I want to communciate through the art and it has to be raw and not manufactured,

  i thought I would produce somehting soft and flowing but I can visualize my art works and I now know it is going to be sharp and in your face and dark and deep,

  Im going large, huge in fact, I want to paint MONSOON, you and me and the pillows on the bed, and the END monkee and me and the moment that destroyed us all, the DREAM, the empty beach with the thick black cloud hanging over and the two of us bobbing up and down miles apart at sea with vultures hovering above us

  It is going to be all about us, nobody has to know about us, it doesnt matter, it never did, we were just a product.

  On a lighter note…

  My sons turned out to be good people, where it matters, good hearts, sincere and genuine,they have empathy for others and I am proud of their natures and who they are becoming.

  Its not so bad after all, its just sad, thats what sells, broken hearts….

  I dedicate my every word my every brush stroke my every breath to the memeory of us and our angels…

  Every breath

  listen to ill set you free by the bangles, I dedicate that to you.

  Im sorry about this Robbie, but it keeps me alive and gets me through.

• i have been holding back my tears for you for so long I never thought they’d come out, but they are flowing

  I am so sorry robbie

• hi. i have had a few tawny ports, and I am about to take my happy pills, I wish it was me walking tall and strong next to you, I do

  anyway I thought Id tell you he told me I was more beautifull than Sheena Easton, and he was so happy to have me as his friend, and look what it did to him, to you, to my sons

  hOw beautifull he was to come back for me, why did he do that, if he didnt care about me he’d be alive today

  I cant live with it, I hope that is explanation enough for my insanity, reason enough

  and the twist the biggest twist of all- they did it, they did it for me

  I had those beautifull innocent little boys to live for and now they are men it just isnt the same anymore

  I cant do it I cant pretend anymore i try so hard to get my head around of all this and i cant.icant

  i remember when Gary was going off his head at me and you were sitting at the table, and he was sitting next tome on the couch, smiling at me, lookin down, telling me its ok, and he loved the way i talked the way I used words to describe things to describe us, he made me feel welcome, he hated what nigel was doing and the pressure to get rid of me and how he had to report to nigel about us.

  I couldnt survive with everyone being against me and trying to get rid of me like that,it was never about you, you were strong, you were so strong, I wasn’t, he wasnt, we needed you so much,and i know you needed us,

  i have jsut run around in circles all these years escaping the memories and the pain, just to survive it all

  i have stopped running, I m too old too run ,too tired, too empty

  All I know is I loved you, he was my friend, and my world collapsed

  i looked like raggerddy anne, you wanted to put me in rehab, you cant rehab a broken heart, a mind that has exploded in horror.

  you were dating a super model

  I gave you my star, we talked, we yelled ,we cried, and we left each other

  the only thing real was that star

  and how much I loved you and summer dreaming.

  the rest is such a blurr a waste of years

• سلام Robbie عزيزم
  من دوباره اومدم من هميشه با تو هستم.كاش روزي برسه كه تو واقعا بياي و اين پيام ها رو بخوني
  من واقعا دوستت دارم رابي عزيزم
  من از صميم قلب عاشقت هستم و هميشه با صداي تو زندگي ميكنم تو همه چيز من هستي
  تو زندگي من هستي بازم ميگم دوستت دارم رابي
  آرام 26 ساله از ايران Robbie Williams دوستت دارم

• .سلام رابي عزيزم
  .از صميم قلب دوستت دارم
  .آرزو داشتم كه دوست دختر تو بودم و تو دوست پسر من
  .اي كاش مي شد حتي براي يك روز
  .آرام.26ساله.از ايران

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